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Hello All-

I have a pretty decent background in aviation as a former F-15C/D Crew Chief, and understand flight safety. I started learning to fly in the late 80's when I was stationed in Northern Europe, but didn't finish my training. I had to return to California due to a family emergency at the end of my term of duty and unfortunately never picked up my training again. Unlike today, the GI Bill didn't cover flight training, so I pursued other avenues in college.

Now, my wife of 15 years (post Air force time) is adamantly against me getting my private ticket. She is convinced that GA is unsafe and that I'm going to end up at the bottom of a smoking hole. No matter how much I assure her that GA is VERY safe, and that 95% of flight training is safety and preparing you for the "what if" scenario.

I've made no secrets about my love for aviation, and that some day I wanted to get my private ticket. Now, at age 41, I have the income & time to allow me to complete my training. Our girls 13 & 11 also love the idea of flying, and my youngest wants to make it a career in the Air force following Major Samantha Weeks (Thunderbirds Lead solo). I purposely leave my AOPA Training & Flight magazines open to the safety training articles in the hope that she'll take a look at them on her own and see how much effort is put into flight safety & training.

Any ideas?

Please help.....

Thanks!
Mark

Well, it's been a few days since my first post and I've seen many of you checking it out, but no one wants to step up and advise.

Also, something I didn't put in my last post. Both my girls love aviation as much as I do, and were scheduled for a Young Eagles flight this past saturday...

Here's an update....

Last week, my wife calls me at work and asks if I'd like to have lunch with her at a new Sushi place. Since I love sushi (and my wife) I said absolutely. She arrived ahead of me and had already been seated, so I walked in, gave her a kiss, and had a seat with her at the sushi bar. I can see by the look in her eyes that she really wants to talk to me about something....

So I ask her what's up, and she says that she's really upset about the whole flying thing, and that she's afraid that she's going to lose her whole family in one fatal event. I do my best to reassure her that it wouldn't happen, that GA is very safe, and again point out that we as student pilots are trained for the "what if? & what about now?" scenarios. She tells me that she doesn't know why she's afraid of GA, but has been since she was a young girl. My response was simple, I completely understand and respect her feelings & fears.

A good friend of mine holds a commercial rating, and gave me some advise. He said to offer to take her up to the airport, give her a tour, and have her talk to some pilots and CFI's there. He also offered to take her up whenever she's ready, free of charge.

I'm very fortunate to have Tom & Peggy Dwelle (Reno racing fame; Critical Mass Sea fury, and a few other named planes that I can't remember now) hangared at the local airport. Peggy really likes my girls and has offered to give them a tour of their AT-6's any time they'd like. Peggy, a very respected pilot in her own right, has also offed to talk to my wife any time, to help ease her mind and help her understand what's involved in GA.

I relayed all the above info to her, which really put her at ease. However, I had to make one large (very understandable) concession.... the girls don't go fly yet! My response was again simple, I completely understand and respect her feelings & fears.

I told her that flying has always been my dream, but could not do it without knowing that she was behind me... She said she understood my passion, and agreed (as long as the girls don't fly).

So, after the tax man comes by and rips a bunch of my extra cash I'll finally start school.

Wish me luck!

Mark
KAUN

Well, I have to say you seem to approaching a difficult situation from the best angle possible. I've been slowly fighting the same battle over the last thirteen years that I've been married to my wonderful wife, and like you have noted it's something that takes small steps to overcome.
Having grown up in rural Alaska my wife and I have a healthy respect for both the purpose of GA and it's safety record, but the fears that my wife has are not based on any thing tangible or statistically evident. She is simply afraid of the "what if" factor, which we all have to admit offers far more drastic consequences in aircraft than most other forms of recreation.
You and your wife seem to have excellent communication and a healthy respect for each other's dreams and concerns, I'm sure that with time your wife will become more comfortable with the idea of GA and see it as a exciting and exhilarating part of life. With the truce that you have worked out you should be able to bring her closer to the world of aviation through your own training and experience and allow her to find her own comfort zone to move forward from.
As I write this I'm still building flight time and experience myself to get to a level that my wife feels comfortable flying with, right now she'll wish me the best and watch from the ground. Once she does decide to join me I'm sure she will love everything about it, but there's just no way to rush that process.
Just like flying, don't look for the "easy" way, it'll only get you in more trouble. Good luck and let us know how your training goes!

c.C.

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Flying is the second greatest thrill known to man, Landing is the the first.

Congratulations Mark! I agree with ccgypsyblood that you're handling a difficult situation very well. It's wonderful that your wife has recognised the importance of letting you chase your dreams, good for her.

I'm not sure what kind of training syllabus you'll be using for your private, but I can't help but think passively exposing your wife to as much of your training as possible may make her more comfortable with the idea of you flying and eventually your kids. For example, I used a CD kit put out by the Cessna Pilot Center which involved lots of interactive video. Somthing like that would be easy to involve the wife with and as she knows more about aviation she's likely to become more comfortable with it. Fear is best brushed aside by understanding and knowledge.

I agree with the previous author that fear is best dealt with by learning more about it ... and gaining a certain comfort level with today's unknowns.

I can understand your wife's points about the kids, the fear of losing you, etc, but as you correctly pointed out this is YOUR dream ... so I would tell you to go after it, which you already are, without requiring OTHERS to be a part of it. Leave it up to them.

Let your wife be a part of it, if she wants to. I would recommend taking her up on a SUPER CALM evening, with the sun just setting so that she can really see the romance of flight in a small airplane ... and don't take her in a 150 or 152 ... that's too small.

The only other point I want to make is regarding safety ... I'm not sure what sources you're using, but it's been shown that GA is not necessarily "safe" AS COMPARED to other forms of transportation. I've heard that while commercial jet carriers are MUCH MUCH safer than driving a car (statistically), GA's danger level is more like riding a motorcycle, which is 9x more dangerous than driving a car. If you read the accident statistics, the majority of accidents are caused by pilot error ... so while the airplanes and technology might be safe, the accidents are still being caused by pilots. Of course, don't tell her any of this - ha ha ha. I just wanted to make sure you are aware of the dangers of GA flight.

BTW - I earned my PPL in 2002 and have about 150 hours so far. I do it just for fun and LOVE it.

Good luck with your training ... and sorry if my 2 cents aren't what you want to hear.

Sorry to hear of the issue but can I suggest that you put a couple of videos into your library and perhaps as she watches these with you it may open up some additional dialogue or thoughts for her. They are:

One Six Right - Beautiful Videography and really neat history of GA at the Van Nuys airport in California. Really well done. The video, narration, musical score, and story of the airport and GA in general excellent for non-flyers to understand why we love to fly.

"The Non-Flyers Guide To The Cockpit" - Sporty's Video that presents the technical aspects of why we do the things we do during flight, pre-flight, etc...

Don't know if these will help, but thought it might be worth mentioning. If I could only choose one, it'd be "One Six Right". You might put it on your Fathers Day wish list and see what happens.

Good Luck.

MLaCoste,

I definitely agree with the idea that 'the more your wife knows about it, the less she will fear it', and to that end I think any education (Sporty's videos, TFP, or any source of education will help).

The bottom line is, however, that GA is hazardous. Certainly more hazardous than flying on the airlines (which have an almost perfect safety record on 'weatherless' days).

Here are some other thoughts that may help (and I know I'm going to catch heck for this) ...

All airplanes are not created equal. There are those that have safety features that definitely mitigate the pilot's (and his/her passengers risk).

The SR22 that I'm flying, for example, has a ballistic recovery system, a 26G roll cage, an active traffic warning system, honeycomb crash protected seats ... etc.. Now before aviators get all up in arms about that statement, hear me out.

I am assuming that you exercise good judgment (which it sounds like you do). At the end of the day it's good judgment and solid procedures that will keep you safe, in any airplane. However, if the unexpected happens, having as many 'tools' in your 'toolbox' as possible will mitigate your risk.

Now, I'm not saying the Cirrus is the only 'safe' airplane out there. But some due diligence would show that the Cessna 152 has a better safety record than the Cessna 210, for example. Light twins carry more risk than most singles. A serious discussion about safety, the type of airplane you'll be flying and where most GA accidents occur might help you win her over to your flying 'habit'.

I've seen GA 'bite'. I've known many friends that were great pilots and met their end living this dream. As a safety coach I want to add that if, in fact, she goes along with this you MUST promise yourself and your family that you will stay current, stay proficient and always ... be safe! and fly your best! Solid procedures and promises to always abide by them will help keep you safe.

If you'd like to have this conversation on a podcast, I'd be happy to address the issue. Please email me.

Good luck,

Jason

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"To Live is To Fly" - Townes VanZandt
www.thefinerpoints.net
jason@thefinerpoints.net

Your wife is the clever one...listen to her